It’s not a pleasant topic but, most of us will face loss of some sort at various points in our lives. It could be the death of a loved one. It could be a divorce or being fired from your job. Or it could be simply the end of a long relationship of some kind. Having the ability to deal with the pain that comes with loss and move on is an important life skill.
While everyone deals with their grief in their own way and in their own time, the amount of time spent dealing with any situation is usually dependent on the problem itself. Even so, wallowing in pain for long periods of time is not healthy. It can seriously damage you in a wide variety of ways. My motto is: It’s okay to visit the pain but don’t unpack your shit and live there!
Feeling anxious, helpless, angry, or sad is nonetheless a perfectly normal side effect when it comes to dealing with loss. Other possible emotions you might be experiencing include disbelief, confusion, denial, loneliness, numbness, and guilt. Grieving parties may also attempt to rationalize how they could have prevented such problems from arising in the first place.
Intense mood swings are likewise common when it comes to dealing with any kind of loss. Physical ailments such as sleeplessness, internal problems, fatigue, and appetite loss can also occur. And any existing health problems that you have been experiencing may get worse as the result of your grief. However, there are some ways to keep such circumstances from negatively affecting your life.
You’ll need to find someone considerate to talk to so that you can work your way through your emotions without harmful consequences. This person can be a friend, family member, religious leader, or even a life coach. In the meantime, you will want to make sure that you’re doing things that you normally do.
You’ll also need to make sure that you getting enough sleep every night and eat healthy foods. Keep in mind that it’s okay to feel sad but don’t try to dull the pain with things like alcohol or painkillers. Other mindless escapes, such as watching television or surfing the web, can also be harmful if they become your sole activity for long periods of time. Instead, you should focus on what is still good about your life and participate in fun activities to keep you from staying in a constant state of sadness.
It’s best to acknowledge that loss is a part of life. Even if overused platitudes and sayings don’t normally bring you comfort, you can still recognize the truth in them and apply it to your current outlook on life. It’s nonetheless a good idea to avoid making any major decisions or changes until your life’s equilibrium returns to normal. The majority of people will come to accept their new reality if they are given enough time to work things out both mentally and emotionally.
The amount of time needed varies from person to person and there is no set limit on an appropriate time to come to grips with any sort of situation that you might encounter. It’s perfectly okay to get emotional when faced with fresh reminders of a past loss. However, these thoughts shouldn’t mess up your life to the point that you can’t cope with ordinary activities.
In fact, let’s take a moment to insert a word of caution here. If your grief becomes too intense for you and your current support system to handle, you may need to see a professional therapist in order to get back on track. This is particularly true if you start having suicidal thoughts or you simply start having trouble coping with the business of everyday life.
If the house is suddenly buried under a layer of garbage or you can’t be bothered with basic personal hygiene, you might need professional assistance. The same is true if you are faced with overwhelming guilt for whatever happened. In such instances, it’s a good idea to talk things through with professionals.
Also be aware that, if you have kids, you might not be the only person hurting. Give them a chance to talk about their feelings as well if the situation warrants it. Keep their routine as normal as possible to prevent additional problems from arising. Try to avoid losing your patience with their questions no matter how invasive they seem.
These sorts of inquiries are simply how children try to make sense of any situation. It might even be in your best interest to allow trustworthy friends and family members to take over some childcare duties for a time, if they don’t mind. This helps give everyone who is directly involved in a distressing situation enough time to come to terms with their new reality.
On the other hand, if someone you know is faced with some sort of loss, the best thing you can do is lend them an ear. Just keep in mind that you’ll want to be diplomatic in your responses and not offer trite platitudes when you’re discussing their problems. Casseroles and other baked goods are always well-received by families with no time to cook, but providing additional, personalized assistance if you have the time to do so is a better way to show that you care.
Babysitting kids, taking care of errands, and preparing meals long after the funeral is over or the divorce is finalized are great ways to show that you care. However, don’t get offended if the person you’re dealing with needs more help than you can give them and chooses to go to a professional for additional advice. They have to deal with their grief in their own way. Being there for them is all you can do in the meantime.
It’s not easy seeing the light at the end of the tunnel but if you take small, actionable steps you will get there. Make any attempt to feel better, even if it’s watching your favorite show like I did! I want to see you find you way back to yourself. If you’re ready to be the happiest person you know book in a discovery call and let’s talk about ways we can work together to make that possible.